holiday blues.....whats left of them

Well the holidays are upon us.....the memories come rushing in....funny how I sometimes can't remember too much and at other times they come in like a rushing river.

I don't remember too many of my childhood holidays....I mostly remember the crushing dissappointment of them. Recently, in therapy, I tried very hard to remember something nice about the holidays as a child and honestly could not come up with a thing. My mother was the crappiest gift giver ever....she still is.....she really has no idea who her children are. The last time I was with her for Christmas she have me such as sucky gift that I threw it across the room, my voice booming....."I hate it". I am sure that I had enough of those crappy holidays.....I am also believe I was in deep emotional pain. That is how it is when you fraternize with the enemy. I haven't seen her since. It was that day that I realized that she did not care......Wow that was a long time ago. I can't even begin to count the years.

Today, the holidays are not the same anymore. I am enjoying them.....I have been so lucky to some great men in my life....who have loved me deeply, given freely and really thought about what it was that I would really love. Shiny things, tools, music, potions, ointments, scents, beautiful clothing, vacations, their sweet, sweet words, instruments, music, every whim has been considered....I have been very happy with my chosen family.....I will alway love the men in my life...always and forever...thank you Jack, Phil, Duane, John, Dave Wavey, Brian and to the next man I love...thank you for loving me.

I no longer see the season as a depressing one, it is as it should be...happy, joyous, festive, totally enjoyable...full of food, friends and my chosen family.

Merry Christmas everyone.....remember...we heal, we live, we love, we laugh, we cry, we celebrate, we remember, we can forgive....(somehow), or at least let go for a while. This is a beautiful time of the year, enjoy it while it is here.